maternity – a lesson in trust

formed Until now, I never knew The Lord would teach me so much about trusting in His perfect timing and faithfulness.  June 24, 2014 is a day Daryl and I won’t ever forget.  It was the day I got my first positive pregnancy test.  In years prior, I’d thought about that day and prayed about that day.  Daryl was actually on a business trip in Denver on the day I took the test.  I was by myself in the bathroom, expecting nothing other than a single line of negativity.  I remember seeing the two pink lines and my heart started pounding.  Holding the test in my hand, I dropped to my knees and tears rolled down my cheeks as I thanked God for the life inside of me.  I felt so overjoyed yet so underserving of this precious baby. My life changed almost immediately. I always thought motherhood began after the birth of the baby.  No, it began the day I found out about my pregnancy, the day I found out that The Lord had answered my prayer.  I don’t think I ever fully understood what it meant to trust completely and wholly in God until I started praying for our baby.  His faithfulness is amazing. great is thy faithfulness I’m sure most mothers-to-be would agree that pregnancy is a season of immense joy, excitement, and fear.  I felt all three of these things until I realized that fear isn’t supposed to be part of the equation.  I remember hardly even being able to sleep during the days leading up to our first ultrasound.  We couldn’t wait to see our precious baby on the screen.  But then my heart would be gripped with fear.  What if the doctor says something is wrong?  What if she says our baby isn’t healthy or that something isn’t developing right?  Will our baby have eyes to see, ears to hear, and arms and legs to run and play?  When we were in the exam room, I remember looking at my doctor’s face as she began the ultrasound.  I searched her expressions for signs of worry and concern as our baby appeared on the screen.  I was trusting in her to ease my fears, to tell me that everything would be okay and that our baby would be healthy.  It wasn’t until later that I realized I should be trusting in the One who created my baby.  The One who is knitting my baby together in my womb.  The One who knew my baby before it was formed.  My God, who has blessed me with 19 weeks of a healthy pregnancy so far.  How could I even think of doubting Him? goodness of God I’m not saying pregnancy is nine worry-free months of pure bliss.  I know there will be challenges. I know there will be pain. But I also know that the Lord my God is creating a child within me that is already fearfully and wonderfully made.  I believe that The Lord blessed me with my first pregnancy so that I could fully experience and comprehend the depth of His love.  A verse that has been on my heart throughout my pregnancy is this one – “Taste and see that The Lord is good.”  Psalm 34:8.  He is teaching me to take every worrisome thought captive and lay it at His feet.  And I leave them there.  He is reminding me that His hands are capable and that they’re holding my precious baby since I can’t yet.  I realize that He made me for this.  He knew that this season of my life would be one in which I would learn to rely completely and unashamedly on Him. forgive me The world throws so much at mothers-to-be.  So many worries, so many concerns.  Books and websites and online forums are filled with discussions of miscarriage, stillbirth, and thousands of possible complications.  It’s so easy as a first-time mother to get sucked into what the world has to say about pregnancy and motherhood.  It is the desire of the world that we will become so consumed with the what-ifs that we won’t rejoice.  This is not God’s will for us.  His desire is for us to find joy in His work; to be grateful and thankful.  In motherhood, nothing matters more than knowing your baby is okay.  I would sacrifice my own life, my own sight, my own ability to hear and walk and talk so my baby could have them all.  But I know that my God is perfectly able to form and fashion my child to bring Him glory.  Women of The Lord are not to conform to the standards of this world.  We are not to allow our hearts to be overcome with the fear the world offers us.  For those who trust in Him, God offers something different.  Instead of being plagued by the anxieties of pregnancy, trust that your Savior will be to you a wall of fire, the glory in your midst. glory in her midst Instead of worrying, I take every doctor’s appointment as an opportunity to praise Him.    Thank you, Lord, that our baby has two legs and two arms.  Thank you, Jesus, that our baby is growing.  The doctor originally told us that our baby was “too small.”  I remember getting in bed that night, tears rolling down my cheeks, praying to God that being “small” wasn’t a sign of a problem.  At our next appointment, the doctor re-measured our baby and instead of the word “small,” she used the words “perfect” and “beautiful.”  His mercies are truly new every morning, and His faithfulness is great.  On Friday, October 3rd, we found out we are expecting a baby boy!  We are overjoyed and can’t wait to meet our son.  The doctor told us that he looks healthy and strong.  Of course I still worry sometimes.  But when I see my son’s heart beating on the ultrasound screen and when I hear its rhythmic thumping on the doppler, I am reminded of the sovereignty of my God.  I’ve never seen or heard something more powerful in my life.  A heartbeat that is strong, persistent, and flawless.  It’s almost like our son’s heartbeat is God whispering to my soul, “Look what have created within you.  I am faithful.  You can trust Me.”   Every day, every hour, every moment of pregnancy is a profound blessing, a miracle.  When my mind is prone to wander, I remind myself that the love I have for my little boy is so small compared to the love the Father has for him.  He is able to do immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine, and He won’t stop now. wonders holding baby

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One thought on “maternity – a lesson in trust

  1. Love Your testimony of your spiritual journey and growth amidst your pregnancy and the growth of sweet baby Jacob inside. God is indeed faithful and good and has already a plan and purpose for His Jacob. We rejoice in our part of that plan and his life. 😄

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